From the Minds of Children

We are currently at Disneyworld and as always it is the time of our lives. We have had several memories made and plenty of stories to tell. I will elaborate in future posts about all of this but my topic tonight is different.

It will be difficult to do Shelby's perception justice, but I will give it an attempt. She is always fascinated with the way adults speak to and discipline their children. She does not comprehend why people threaten, hit, or angrily yell at their children. As a family we certainly have our heated moments but we aren't violent or threatening with one another. 

The other night Shelby and I were wrestling. Often when we play like this she will mimic recent experiences in her life. At one point in this wrestling match, Shelby decided that it was time to spank me. As she started my well deserved punishment she also grabbed my ear. I couldn't figure out why she was doing this. When I asked her about it she said she had seen parents punish their children by holding on to their ear. I realized that she has no idea what the sensation of a spanking or an ear pulling is. 

As amused as I was by this awareness, I was also very grateful. Not only has Shelby never had to experience this kind of violent interaction with her parents, she sees these actions as being incredibly ridiculous. The minds of children are so perceptive and generally right. Violent actions taken against children are ridiculous. These actions are unacceptable and NEVER justified. May your children never be subjected to acts of violence to coerce behavior.

Mixed Emotions

Alas, Live and Learn is drawing to a close. As I sit and reflect on the past week a few things stand out. First, this way of life, radical unschooling, is life as it is meant to be for me. To be able to spend the time with my family that I do, to meet the people I have met along the way, to be able to explain a wonderful way of life to those who ask, and to be safe to share my thoughts and ideas. 

To me radical unschooling has absolutely nothing to do with an educational option. Pardon my language, but fuck that. I wouldn't diminish my child's life to such a condescending statement as "Wendy and I chose radical unschooling as an educational alternative for our daughter." What a terrifyingly arrogant statement. Yet it is a statement that is made daily. It is not my place to choose an educational direction for anyone other than me. Where, when, why, or how someone CHOOSES to learn is none of my business. Not even "my" daughter's.

This doesn't mean that I haven't experienced my share of fears or doubts as to how Wendy and I are "raising" Shelby. But when put underneath the self-loving and self-honest microscope I realized that those fears were completely based on someone else's definition of "child-rearing." By the way, what exactly is "child-rearing?" It's not like we're talking about chickens, we are talking about HUMAN BEINGS. 

This is what I like to refer to as the illusion of parenting. Let's not confuse providing a helpless living being who is a product of shared cells, DNA, etc. with property. I consider myself fortunate that I am physically capable of providing for a dependant person. To me it is a way to be of service and provide love. I particularly like Bob's description of "being able to love my love." Because we participate in procreation doesn't mean we have the right to smother, direct, or demand behavior from our children. It simply means that we GET to love our love. For those who adopt, the same way of thinking applies. You choose to be of service to humanity by providing sustenance to someone who desperately needs it to survive. "Step" parents? You, too. 

My point is this. Enjoy yourself. I know it gets scary and stressful sometimes, so deal with it. For those that are looking forward to becoming parents, ask questions and remove the fear. Most of that is just mislabeled excitement anyway. Find people who see the world and see children as you do and find safety and comfort in those relationships. Above all honor yourself, your partner, and your children by remaining in a place of love and gratitude. That is what comes naturally.

P.S. I have a new post on another blog I think you will enjoy, so please check it out!